THINGS WE’VE LEARNED ABOUT HOSTING AN AFS’er

MEETING YOUR AFS SON/DAUGHTER IN MINNEAPOLIS

AND THE FIRST WEEK

1.  When meeting your AFS’er at Augsburg College in Minneapolis, have a sign, flowers or balloons, whatever you feel is appropriate, so you can find each other and welcome them.  It is suggested hugs are more welcoming than handshakes.

2.  Have water available in the car. 

3.  Bring yearbook – great on the ride home to get a preview of the kids and events he/she will encounter.

4.  Bring pillow/blanket (not uncommon to have them fall asleep on the ride home).

5.  Let him/her rest once home.

6.  Don’t plan major sightseeing events right away – do the neighborhood – low-key events.

7.  Slowly start the AFS Handbook check-off sheet –begin with just essentials (like how does shower work, microwave, toilet operation and bathroom door rules, basic family rules)

8.  Use reflective listening techniques (“What do you think I just said?”) If you ask most AFS’ers about the first few weeks, they’ll tell you it was a blur, and they can hardly remember anything.  Go slow, and   s p e a k   s l o w l y   a n d   c l e a r l y.  (No idioms, if you get our drift.)

9.  Learn something about your AFS’ers country (internet is great for that).  Be culturally sensitive and curious.  Ask lots of questions about his/her country.  That opens communication and understanding.

10.  Decide what to call each other.  “This is my AFS son/daughter from …..” is welcoming and inclusive.  If everybody is OK with “(American) mom” or “(American) dad” titles, it is more of a family feel than first names.  Even if you agree, it may take some time for everyone to be comfortable with “mom, dad, son, daughter, brother, sister, grandma….”

11.  School registration – do not put weak English speaking students in history or literature type classes first semester– they will be very frustrated (better options might be art, music, ind. arts, home ec., phy ed., math, languages)

IDEAS FOR A SUCCESSFUL YEAR

1.  Communication, communication, communication—often and open.  Read AFS Host Family Handbook.

2.  Don’t treat your son/daughter as a guest.  He/she needs chores, responsibilities and duties like everyone else.  Don’t assume they know how to do the tasks.  Demonstrate how to load dishwasher, how to wash and rinse dishes, how you mow the lawn etc.

3.  Set clear rules and expectations, but not all the rules in the first week.  Set enforceable limits and follow through (phone, computer, curfew, appropriate behaviors/clothes etc.) They should behave as you would expect your own family to behave.

4.  It is not uncommon for foreign exchange students, wherever they go, to gain weight.  This can become quite a stressor and a potential problem for them.  Be alert to their food input and exercise.  Be diplomatic, but don’t ignore this issue.

5.  Teach your AFS’er that Americans are in love with being thanked for everything.  “Thank you” should be used frequently to have your student fit in and to be seen as gracious.

 6.  Watch for withdrawing behaviors (not talking at dinner, going to room for long periods of time etc.) and talk about that right away.  Misconceptions about being accepted at school or at home, language difficulties, or our fast pace of life, could be at the base of this, along with homesickness issues.

7.  Bonding occurs more out of the classroom school day –try to involve them in sports, plays, music & plan events away from school (video nights, game nights, kids to the mall etc.)

8.  Find a contact person (counselor +) in the schools to help you check on academic and social progress.  Poor grades need to be addressed to AFS liaison and support staff.

9.  Talk about “ignorant American questions” with AFS’er (“Do you have microwaves in Germany?”)  Have your AFS’er look at these questions as “teachable moments,” rather than feeling insulted by innocent questions of non-worldly Americans, or Americans trying to fill the space with small talk.

10.  Meeting other kids can be difficult for your AFS son/daughter.  Teach them the reality is most people love to talk about themselves, so have them practice asking questions that will get them into conversations, and make friends, with American kids. (“Do you play sports? Have you traveled?  Do you live in town or the country?  Do you like that?  Tell me about your family?)  Culturally, Americans are not comfortable with silence when around other people.

11.  Create opportunities for your AFS son/daughter to talk with you by asking questions that require more than yes or no answers.  “Tell me about Spanish class today, what goes on there?”  “Anything make you laugh today? What was it?”  “Who is your favorite teacher so far (and why?”) “What kind of meal would you likely be having in Germany if you were home?”

12.  Your AFS’er may be asked to speak to different groups during the year.  It is nice to have a flag or some “show and tell” items from his/her culture, and some help in creating about a 5 to 10 minute presentation.  Spring gets busy, so see if you can get some “bookings” from Jan. – March.  Having your AFS son/daughter visible to the community is part of the goal to increase everyone’s cultural understanding.

13.  Include your AFS’er in AFS events (most are required).  The kids really have a great time together and despite the different languages they are sharing similar experiences.

14.  If there are questions, concerns or problems that you cannot see a solution to, please call your AFS liaison or AFS support person right away.  The earlier the intervention, the better the results.

15.  Love them to the best of your ability, as they, not unlike us, are works in progress.